I like this outfit, even though I make everything look terrible. 

(╯︵╰,)

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing lately. There is soooo much going on, way too much. And way too much occupying my mind.

I can't deal with everything all at once. I just want everything to be okay. Every aspect of my life is all over the place right now, it seems. :'(

I don't know what to do with myself.

This is the last thing I need. Wish you could show me support on days when I'm down and having a hard time. You never seem to be there, or asking if I'm okay when I need you. You just, don't care or something. Like, you really don't. Or so thats how you try to make it look.

It's okay I'll just suffer in my shell, no one there to help me. I actually want to end my life. But no one knows or cares so whatever..

When all we know is falling I'll save something for you you who are all alone.When everything is beautiful, when everything's OK. Even if it's not OK I'll say It's all for you.

Life, you suck.

Of course Adobe is having issues tonight of all nights. I can't do my homework now. I guess life just gets worse for me as the week progresses. Like literally. What the fuck is next.

Sick of the attitude towards me.

Bedtime.

Its nearly 12am and I should have been in bed earlier. Oh well..
I'll go to sleep now, or eventually. Just sick of the bad feelings I always get. I want it all to go away.

So much stress, what the hell am I supposed to do with all of this.

Whenever I feel close to decent about myself, I get a better glimpse and then realise I will always be ugly.

And I've been thinking this could be the end of me 
Who is this person in the mirror I see 
And I have come so far, thought I was so strong 
The truth is I just fed myself a lie 
For too long. 
I never thought this would be me... 

I never want to lose you. I want to be yours forever, and you mine.

End of year exhibition idea!

Our theme is 'Songs and stories', and I already said I'd be doing a folklore or some sort. And I now know what I'll be basing my images on.
A forest nymph :)

I'm really excited to do the shoot. whenever the time comes!
I've already bought 1 prop for it.

Espy corridor exhibition!

It was an okay night. There was lots of snack food, which was
delicious and wonderful and everything I could ever want ha.
And we managed to raise over $300 for our end of year
exhibition.

Foot tattoo.

On the day!

Fully healed now :3


I got this tattoo because I really love money cats, and want to start a little collection of them one day.
No, I don't have 'meaning' behind this piece, I don't believe you need meanings behind tattoos. I just like the look of them and find them aesthetically appealing.
I love the art, and I love the maneki neko design and this is exactly what I wanted.
My other foot will be done in a few weeks! Eeeeep. 

A list of exercises.

I guess a list of exercises would come in handy as well.
If I am bored and have nothing to do, I could do the following.

• Crunches
• Squats
• Leg magic training system
• Leg lifts
• Skipping
• Walking
• Bike riding
• Sex
  
  Anyway, over Summer time, when I'm on holidays, I want to go to a boot camp! Which will help me lose weight/tone up.

A list of foods.

I figured that to stop myself from eating junk all the time, I need to make a list of what foods I am 'allowed' to have within my house.

• Mini wheats (breakfast)
• Bananas
• Any kind of fruit (cut up)
• Toast (dinner alternative when working)
• Tuna (with vinegar, salt or lemon juice)
• Baked beans
• Soup
• Cheese (snack)
• Sandwich 
• Tea
  
  Just some ideas to help me when I can't figure out what to eat.
  
  Also, for a sweet snack this week, I have a block of cadbury chocolate mousse that my boyfriend bought me. So that is an exception!

Corridor exhibition on Tuesday at TAFE.

Just a behind the scenes shot of me helping out!

We are having a mini corridor exhibition for my class this week.
Two images from each student from last semesters work.
Its basically to prepare us for our end of year exhibition, which I'm looking forward to heaps!

Only eaten 583 calories today! Scoooore.

Me.

                                              So this is me. No make up what so ever, and hair
                                                tied back after my shower. Looking ugly.
                                                 Its amazing what a bit of make up can do.
                                                   And this is me trying to look decent-so I actually
                                                   look 100x worse in real life compared to photos. sigh. /cries

Sick of my body.

I'm so fucking fat at the moment. I've never weighed this much before. :(

I WILL lose it. I NEED TO. I'm going to try so hard. I'm going to cut meat out of my diet this week.
Go for walks on sunny days. Try to do leg magic whenever I can be motivated. Never drink soft drink. Try to cut down on snacks. Try to go half a day without eating. Often.
I'll just drink fluids, and that'll keep me going. Except I'll eat properly when I have work.

Everytime I close my eyes
It's like a dark paradise
No one compares to you
I'm scared that you won't be waiting on the other side.

I had a pikelet for breakfast. And thats all I've eaten all day!

My aim is to be what you would consider perfect

I know I could never be considered that at all by you with the way I look. SO its time to start altering my appearance! Starting with my weight, then my lips, then my teeth. Idk if i can afford a rhinoplasty but if i ever can itll be a miracle. But for the mean time oh well.

Just gonna keep trying as always. So conscious all of the time. So sick of trying, but I have to try if I want to appear close to decent. Even when I try the most, I still look ugly. ITS SO UNFAIR!? NO ONE ELSE IS UGLY EXCEPT ME

My day today.

Went to TAFE. Did some tedious work. Finished at like 3.30pm. Got the train back. Bought my pill. And went home.


Oh and there was something playing up with my phone. My apparent 'increased data usage' which is impossible. The amount it displayed was ridiculous... 4GB in 1 day? When I hadn't used any internet access on my phone or even wifi connected... I don't think so! But I called my Dad to make sure he knew I couldn't have possibly used that much in case it comes up on the bill. Because I don't know whether its my actual iphone or the phone company thats fucking up. Ah well. I feel relieved though, knowing it is a mistake on their behalf.

Fluffy Duck.

Here is one of the most amazing cocktails. It was like an orgasm to my taste buds!
It is called a 'Fluffy duck'. It has so much alcohol in it, and yet it tasted so nice.

In saying all this, it is the first cocktail I've ever properly bought while out. I am on an endeavour to try them all eventually.

This was at the bistro where I work! (I am a waitress).

Kitten in a teacup!

So I said I'd post my tattoos and a bit about them eventually.
So here is one. My first one ever. It was my 18th present from Tim :3
I had envisioned this tattoo for months leading up to my 18th birthday and knew
it was exactly what I wanted for my first tattoo.
There isn't any 'meaning' behind it, but I got it because I love cats/kittens so much,
and I love tea so much. And this tattoo is pretty much them combined!
I love how the design turned out :)
It was done by Dave McAleese at Chapel Tattoo.

As you can tell, I am a cat person.

                           
                                My scottish fold cat, Puss. This was last year at my Dads house.

                                                 Just a photo of me a few weeks ago
                                  wearing my wig because my hair was shit before I had it dyed.
                                         I love the colour of my hair at the moment though.

                                                  New freshly bleached hair from last week.

No one really knows half the things that go on in my head.

So fucking stressed. Ugh.

Wanting winter to end.

I'm sick of the cold, dull weather. All
I want is warm sunshine. 

Can't rid these thoughts out of my head for the life of me :/

Decided, I really want my lips done over Summer. Hurrryyyy.

And I need to save up for rhinoplasty ughhhhhhh why is life so hard and frustrating and why am i so ugly

Worried about so many things.

I definately want cosmetic surgery.

Definately getting lip fillers, & maybe just maybe rhinoplasty.

A realisation.

I really hate my appearance. But recently, I have come to the realisation that I can change that. I don't have to live with this appearance. I can actually do something about it. I can change.